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God creates humans “male and female” in His image. God created a man from the dust and blew life into his nostrils.
Then God creates the animals, attempting to find a help-mate for the man; but none of the animals are satisfactory, and so God causes the man to sleep, and creates a woman from his rib. Some could argue and say, perhaps the Apple that Adam ate from Eve was the forbidden fruit known as incest, because the woman came from Adam’s ribs, which makes Eve his blood sister.
Before writing this article, I thought about this article and the implications of this article in-depth, as I have never experienced incest, however, I will be in denial to deny incestuous in the Igbo, Yoruba and Hausa culture.
When I researched this article, I was told that there were some places in Calabar were incest is a normalcy. “Na ma papa disvirgined me oo” shrieked Ngozi. Ngozi, is a lady I met recently, she is very bodacious, boisterous to put it mildly the soul of the party.
Ngozi, rang me sometimes last week, and as you know, when ladies are talking on the phone, it mostly revolves around men and sex, so we were talking about our first time and I told Ngozi, about my first time of sexual encounter, to which she shrieked and said, “na ma papa disvirgined me ooo”, at first, I laughed, thinking she was being silly again, as she was one who enjoys silly pranks…
Nonchalantly, I said, “abeg which kind yeye joke you dey joke sef, how ya papa go break ya cherries?” In a soft melancholy voice, she said “Bunmi, in Calabar it is normal for the father to have sex with their daughters”, though I still didn’t believe what I was hearing, but I thought I would protrude her with more questions as to how such an abominable taboo could occur between herself and her father.
“Ngozi, when was your first inter-course with your father? I asked, and she replied “Bunmi, it was when I was 10yrs old,” my mouth gaped at the shocking horror of the story Ngozi was relaying to me… “How did it happen”? I muttered, “it happened one Saturday morning, on my way to the toilet, as I came out of the toilet, it was my father at the door, is eyes staring at me, as if he had just discovered something which was rather telling”, I said, “Papa, good morning”, he said good morning, and hugged me, I thought it was rather odd, as my father had never hugged me before, he pressed his body against mine, and I felt something hardened from him, I pulled back and looked down in embarrassment, as I knew, what had just happened to my dad, because of the experience I had with Uche.
Uche lived next door to us when I was a kid. Uche was 11years old and we had been best friends since kindergarten, our favourite game was “Hide and Seek”… We always play hide and seek, and when he catches up with me, he would pulled his trouser down and ask me to touch his manhood, which becomes aroused and watery…
Being that I was a smart child at school, I knew about reproduction and how it happens even before the age of 8yrs.That morning past, in the afternoon of that day, I couldn’t look at my father, as I felt terribly ashamed, I blamed myself for making my father hard in his long john, I cursed the day I was born…
Later that evening, my mother decided she would visit her sister in Anambra, after she left, I cleaned the dishes and went up to my room to sleep. Two hours into my sleep, I felt a tap on my shoulder, I staggered up, starring down at me was my father, with his trouser down and his erect Penis pointing at me, he told me to touch it, and I did, he slept beside me, to cut the long story short, my father had sex, with me, and at every free opportunity of my mother not being around.
I should be ashamed of this, right, Bunmi? Yup, I whispered, “guess what, Bunmi, I am not ashamed of it, I really do enjoy sex with my father, I have tried sex with other men, but my father is in the top league of sexing me.”
Oh stop, I screamed, I have had enough of this sick story, hahaha, Bunmi, and in my town of Calabar it is normal for fathers to have sex with their daughters, Ngozi shrieked. “It might be normal,” I muttered, “however, it is called sexual abuse, here in Britain” I explained to Ngozi, if your father was charged to the Court of Law for an incestuous act, he would be prosecuted and sent to Prison for a long time…
Incest is more prevalent between fathers and daughters it is also an occurrence among brothers and sisters, take the story of Amina.
Amina, is a 25yr old from Kano State an elite and erudite. However, Amina, leads a very sheltered life, because of the position of her family in society, she was not allowed to mix with those that were not in their ruling class or wealthy enough, which disassociate Amina from the rest of society, which means a very lonely and isolated life for Amina, as she could not mixed with her own peers because of their downgraded status in society (I call it snobbery).
Amina has a brother, Raz. Raz is a 27yr old handsome young man, he was the one everyone invited to all the glitzy high society parties in the North, thus, making Amina look up to Raz as a local star. Amina narrated, “my brother was invited to a party by a socialite in our town, and all the eligible upper class bachelors would be presented, I got dressed in my fineries and waited for my brother, as he came out of his room, I felt his eyes ran over my body, for some strange weird reasons, I was hot and flushed and felt a tingling down below my legs.
My brother said I looked beautiful, I smiled and glanced away embarrassed at my own stupidity of thinking sexually towards my brother, before I could turn round, I felt my brother’s hands round my waist, he pulled my blouse and kissed my breast, I pulled away reluctantly, though it felt good, I knew it was the forbidden fruit”…
My brother pulled away from me without uttering a word and left for his room. Normally when we are outing on such occasions as parties, we are always joyful in the car, singing and just being hysterically funny, but this night was different, we both didn’t say a word to each other, however, our hearts did all the talking.
We got to the party, I didn’t dance, my brother danced with few girls, after an hour, he said we should leave. We left the party and headed straight home, I went to my room, thinking it was all a nightmare and it would all go away tomorrow, though secretly inside of me, I yearned for my brother to touch me, I yearned for him to take me, and he did…
Since that night we have been having sex, although I know it is wrong, but I am too weak to stop, plus he does it good.
After hearing all the details of her incest with her brother, I said, “Amina, do you want to stop having sex with your brother?” She said yes, that she had tried so many times but whenever he touches her, she wants him, as he is a good lover in bed.
“Amina, there is no cure for incest, you just have to stop being greedy and stop having sex with your brother, it is wrong, and a taboo in society, no man would marry you knowing you had sex with your brother”.
I told her to get help or find herself a boyfriend who would take her mind off her brother, Raz.
Research has estimated 10-15% of the general population as having at least one incest experience, with less than 2% involving intercourse or attempted intercourse. Among women, research by Russell (1986) and Wyatt (1985) has yielded as high as twenty percent.
How do we now combat incest (which is really child abuse as most girls who partake in intercourse with their fathers are mostly girls between the ages of five years old upwards) in the third world countries without psychologically damaging the vulnerable parties involved in this shameless taboo of society…?
Should we prosecute those involved in incest with their daughters and sisters? Although, in most cases of brothers and sisters, they are mostly consensual adults and consensual adult incest is very rare.
Consensual incest between adults is criminalized in most countries, although it is seen by some as a victimless crime. It would be a long process before we could bring anyone to justice for incest in Nigeria, and it is because, our law and constitutions is very shaky, our laws are used when it suits the law makers, as Nigeria is a country which favours the men more than the women.
I doubt if the cases of incest will ever be blink at, nevertheless it is good to be aware that incest is an abomination and should not be condoned.
And if you are one who is in such a dilemma, my advice would be to seek help from your Doctor, this would enable your Doctor to refer you to a Specialist, who would discuss your pains and experiences with you…
It is never too late to seek help, but the greatest help you can render your sex is to be strong and stop having sex with your father or brother, and father and brother too should be strong and see incest as child abuse…
If you are a victim of Incest or you know someone going through the motions of incest, please log on to this website and let us know.
Horror! Incest in Nigeria Written By Bunmi Fasehun
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