Married Male Pastors Also Cry: How I Cured A Pastor Of Embarrassing Sickness
Pastor Randuff Amụjụọ didn’t know what hit him. Has devil started taking a pound of flesh? The pastor has never looked back ever since he was ordained a man of God.
He was a thorn in the flesh of demons and their devices as he was being sought after from far and near to cast and bind nagging demons.
My pastor friend has also brought joy to many homes through his prophetic proclamations and verifiable fulfillment of his decrees. His kind of anointing could be described as a double portion or an overflow.
The pastor’s 25th ordination anniversary coincided with his 50th birthday and his congregation decided to hold a grand reception for him to mark both events.
Many notable men of God, personalities and well wishers attended the grand ceremony which was preceded by a colorful church service.
Only a perceptive few would notice that Pastor Amụjụọ was not as radiant as one would expect him to be during the occasion.
Of course, he was expected to be exuding happiness for what God had done for him.
His plastic smiles didn’t mask the hint that something was amiss. I read it perfectly.
Though Pastor Amujuo had given up on in his effort to convert me from Catholicism, I would always attend any special event in his church on invitation.
I first met the pastor during a marketing call as a young banker and thereafter he would move his account to me as I moved to new branch or bank. He liked the way I provided him with banking solutions.
I was one of his guests at the anniversary celebration and I too, noticed that he was not in a happy mood. I guessed that he must have lost some megawatts of power before the event. I resolved to ask him later to know what happened.
Early Monday morning, Pastor Amụjụọ was the first bank customer waiting to see me. I was the branch manager.
He wanted to lodge his cash and cheque gifts into his account.
Being a special customer, all his banking transactions, be it counting or processing of cash, instruments, withdrawals etc were done in my office. This service suited his nature and calling.
As the pastor was about to leave my office, I asked him to wait a while and I closed the door behind him.
I told him that I had noticed that he was not happy throughout the celebration of his anniversary a day before. I asked why he would allow any worry in this world to puncture his radiance on a remarkable day like yesterday’s.
Pastor Amụjụọ took a measured look at me and inquired what my real age was and I told him.
He steadied his look and asked, “what is left in a man when he would wake up in the morning on his special day with intent to make love to his wife only to find out that his manhood had another plan which was to humiliate him?”
“Though you are not born again”, he said without caring how I might feel, “I have taken you as my friend and a confidant right from the very day I started banking with you, that day you sauntered into my church building to asked that I open account with your former bank”.
“What else about me don’t you know as you know all my financial dealings and we eat from the same plate?
“My brother, my manhood is failing me and I have noticed that my wife is no longer finding it funny.
“I have observed a gradual drop in me sexual performance some months after my 40th birthday but I attributed it to tiredness resulting from tasking missionary activities. Now that I have many assistant pastors, I can’t claim that reason anymore.
“You were dead right that I was not myself yesterday even though I should have been.
“I woke up early to appreciate my wife for her support all these years. She must have thought that my sexual power, as in the old had returned when I woke her up with a passionate kiss, caresses and sweet talk only for my staff of office to disappointment me again, on my birthday.
“Not even all the poor woman did made the gaddam thing rise up to the occasion.
“What didn’t my wife do to resurrect my dead man?
“She even used the mouth she had dedicated to signing God’s praises and receiving Holy Communion to blow life into my John Thomas all to no avail.
“Now tell me, why should I be all smiles at my anniversary when the man in me has since died?” My pastor friend ended with a sorrow laden heart.
I broke into laughter to the surprise of my customer cum friend.
“Your problem is natural and is curable and I shall heal you today,” I said, drawing a bewildering look from the man of God.
Perhaps devil is speaking through me, he thought.
“Your problem is known to doctors and psychologists as mid-age crisis in men.
“It could set in as early as a man’s 32nd birthday but it is a usual complaint of men of above 40 years of age.
“While a man is capable of impregnating a woman up till very old age, his ability to stand up or stand erect as at when he desires diminishes with age. The best period of man’s potency has been said to be between 18-28years of age.
“Over the years, men fight this “let down” emotionally by taking younger wives to rejuvenate or mentally recreate their youthful years or to take some performance enhancers like steroids.
“Little wonder that the duo that discovered a chemical reaction that led to the discovery of Viagra were awarded a Noble Prize for Medicine by a male-dominated Nobel prize selection committee.
“My dear pastor, you are just few years older than me and I’m also a victim of the same natural phenomenon.
“But, quite unlike you, I know what to do to ensure that I fire on all cylinders in that I can even bench a 19-year old boy in a bed game auditioning” I said with a gait of a superman.
I was at this stage interrupted by the pastor who spoke some strange languages ending with “Lord, speak for your servant in listening. Prophet Daniel has been born in a banker. Yes Lord!”
I grinned and continued. “Pastor, open my refrigerator beside you and take five pieces bitter cola, chew one at a time and may it never depart your mouth again, it works like magic!” I ordered.
“Also eat a lot of watermelon in the evening of the day you want to tangle with madam and you shall testify that the Lord is good.
“A morning diet of a homemade akamu made from guinea corn could make you shift all morning church engagements till you finish with your madam’s ministry.
“My early days of sorrow were completely forgotten when my wife last year introduced me to Forever Multi-Maca, Vitolite Men and Artic Sea dietary supplements.
“With Forever Living Products made Multi-Maca, Vitolite Men and Artic Sea in my system, there is no mountain to steep for me to climb”, I ended.
Later Saturday evening, my phone rang and it was the pastor. I was being invited to a special thanksgiving service holding the next day and I agreed to attend.
Just as the service was about to end, Pastor Randuff Amụjụọ asked his congregation to pray for one banker in their midst, who he was not ready to mention his name, and who by a special revelation had cured him of a “happiness robbing” sickness.
Though many in the congregation especially the senior pastors were surprised at that kind of prayer request but they, all the same, prayed for me, the unknown healer of Pastor Amụjụọ.
And I shouted the loudest “Amen”!
The wife of my pastor friend can now call her husband by a new name like “Pastor Randy Amuekunie” not “Pastor Amụjụọ” for that which was dead has now been resurrected.
Are you a man in his 40s and above and are passing through a mid-age crisis? Calm down for your miracle has come. Re-read paragraph 9 above for solution.
Don’t always bottle up your problems, share them.