Mixed Feelings about My New and Old Brides
Social scientists will call it post purchase syndrome. Ever since I warmed up to Atiku my new bride,it seems my old bride has suddenly woken up and is trying all kinds of gimmick to woo me back. For the records, I am not sending her away, am only asking her to “step aside” so that a fresh blood can take care of this sickness he has bequeathed me.
I knew there were other ladies out there when I made my choice.I knew the sentiments people have about my new bride. Given the condition of things, I am willing to give her a chance. Even OBJ is willing to give her a chance, so who am I?
But of late I have started having some mixed feelings about this my new bride. That feeling is mainly from his associates who happens to be part of the cankerworms that ate our locust beans for sixteen good years. They said that they have rebranded and I have no reason to doubt them but that was how we also thought my old bride had turned a democrat from a military junta after four attempts at wooing me. Now I am beginning to acknowledge the fact that a leopard never changes its skin and I am hoping for the best to come out of this marriage come February 2019.
One of my new bride’s associates was on channels television the other night with Segun Okinbaloye. Thank God for that guy and his tough questions. When the associate was asked to respond to the current fight against corruption, he started by saying “with all sense of decency”. That almost got me and my “Olori” laughing because to us once they say that, just know they are about to lie.Personally, I would have loved a situation where all those associates of my new bride will step back and allow a truly new brand image emerge with no ties to those years that got us singing “change” which brought us here. Even if I agree that those that have paid for their restitution by going to jail should be allowed to be integrated back into the society, it would be insulting the sensibility of Nigerians to continue to front these folks. Even worse are the ones that still have their court cases all over the place. I don’t mind my new bride associating with people like Mr. “common sense”, at least I know he will talk some common sense into him and he will listen. However, I don’t like the wider net like those that sleep on trees for upwards of nine hours directing the affairs or hanging around my new bride lest they teach him how to sleep on trees leaving me alone in the “other room”.
And here comes my dilemma.The other day my old bride cooked my kind of soup which made me remember the good old days. Can you imagine coming home to road blocks because the whole community roads were in the process of being tarred by NDDC? When I told a couple of friends about the new soup, they claimed it was not my new bride that cooked it. They insisted NDDC have been building roads since time immemorial. However, I disagreed and maintained it was because of the prudent management of our house allowance that brought about the new soup. I know NDDC have been doing something before but not to this scale. For me, honour must be given to whom it is due irrespective of whether the spirit have left Saul or not.
More of the dilemma is the continuous wooing of my poor soul by other ladies, especially that one from the World Bank that speaks “big big” grammar. In fact, she has been “twerking” for me lately and even “yoking” together my new and old bride with their new name “Butiku”. My only problem with this babe is that, her Father has no name like my new and old bride. You see, for me to even look your side as a babe not to talk of marrying you, your father must have a name. If you don’t understand then a simple analogue is that: Dangote and Otedola’s daughters have fathers with names and that is why “them dey rush them”!
In any case, the wedding is going ahead and like my people will say “inu nwanyi wu ngwugwu” (getting married is like dipping hand in a lottery box, you’ll have to accept whatever is the outcome). But one thing my Yoruba people say is; “that same cane they used on the old wife is what they will use on the new”. So if my new bride like let her deliver given all the euphoria that have heralded her messianic coming, including the blowing of trumpet by OBJ. If she enters there and messes up, we will flog her out with the same PVC in 2023.
Friday 2nd November 2018