Elombah
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Please, let me do your laundry – by Peter Obidike

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I have been thinking of a giveaway this yuletide season to Nigerians in order to remain reckoned with in the scheme of things and the idea just came that I can offer to do your laundry. 

I mean other sites are collaborating with GLO, MTN, to give away recharge cards and all that, so what can poor me do in the light of no sponsorship to offer you, my loyal audience, the gift you deserve for hanging out here with me, all through the year, come rain, come sunshine, come Sarakigate, Jibringate, come Dasukigate, come MMM? 

And all of a sudden it dawned on me that I can actually help do your clean laundry since I just increased my capacity. 

That is the least I can do to show my appreciation. 

At least your laundry, I know is clean and real and not as dirty as those of some guys Buhari is chasing to help us finance the 2017 budget.

Seriously, I mean clothes to wash as I just bought an automatic washing machine, thanks to the “White Friday.” 

The word around my house these days is “do you have anything to wash?” 

All of a sudden I have taken over the duties of our domestic assistant and am sure the poor lady will be wondering why she no longer meets any unwashed clothes in the bin. 

My ‘olori’ is even complaining that I should at least ask her before grabbing her used clothes or towels to be sure they are actually used and need washing as my eye “de red” for anything washable.

And the story all started when I started “olu oyibo”. 

I had been brought up in a very traditional way where I started washing my clothes right from primary four and have grown into it that even while working.

I wash my clothes with the hands that God gave me though for my work clothes.

I graduated to sending them to the laundry houses to be sure they will be ironed (which happens to be my weakness especially given the unpredictable nature of our power system). 

But at some point, things changed, maybe from association or what, I got this washing machine (which I now understand is manual) and things changed for the better. 

My thought then was, why the hell had I been suffering, then I congratulated myself while recalling the Igbo adage that “anaghi eji afufu anya isi” (you do not boast in suffering).

Though Nigerians may have a different perspective to that saying at least given their actions and life style. 

I was “waohed” at the elegance of the machine and have enjoyed the services all the while thinking I had arrived without knowing I was still in “afufu” until most recently, my pocket started scratching me and I felt I needed a change in status of washing machine.

With the pressure from “White Friday” announcements, I started making arrangements to take advantage of it.

Like my friend said, I was sure I needed the machine and was not going to buy a 70% discounted product that could mean I spent 30% higher if one were to have bought something unbudgeted for and maybe not needed. 

I did my surveys (including asking a friend that had taken advantage of the promotion in the past, specifically asking whether I needed to sleep over at the shop’s gate the previous night) prior to the “D day” to make sure no one was cheating anyone (trust my “Igbo man” sense to be at my rescue). 

With all confirmed, I targeted the particular shop I zeroed in on but alas!, my target was already bought by the time I went in even though there was no rush in the shop. 

I learnt that the staff of the shop took advantage and had bought the item, either for themselves or their cronies. I then dashed to the runner up shop.

In this one for some reason, the prices of the items were all at the roof which was why I did not consider them as my first choice, however for some reason, the lady in charge had fallen in love either with me, my olori or both of us.

I noticed it because, the day we got there she got out of her way to attend to us leaving other honourable guest waiting to the extent she promised to ensure we got something and asked one of the sales lady to check the records for something that could meet our budget. 

Unfortunately, the ceiling was so high that even with her promising to bring it down, my head could still not touch it. 

I quietly “mumuud” away so that serious people with cash can make their purchase. 

But God knows his people and made a way where there was none. I was lucky to run into a better promo and got exactly what I wanted at my budget price.

That purchase changed my laundry story again. This one is automatic and the first thing I noticed was that it took “looong hours” to complete its wash that I had to go read about it more. 

It was then that I understood that the longer period was indeed correct, depending on the setting. 

This got me thinking of all the laundry I had ever done with my manual machine. Could it be that I had been wearing dirty clothes all these while? 

“Choi” may God help me. 

Now I know the true meaning when those adverts say something to the effect that ‘your life becomes better with washing machines.’ 

You must have seen that one with actress Omotola relaxing on it, if only I knew what she had been enjoying.

Interestingly, this came at a time when PHCN gave us the so called “24/7” line and it has now become “washiri gawazie”, because before now, we observed our inverters could not carry the new lady with all its sophistication. 

So now, the laundry is so seamless that I have run out of things to wash and that is where you come in to fill the gaps. See it as my Christmas give away price. 

The only condition is that it has to be a weekend and you have to make reservations before coming, just to be sure the crowd is not too much. 

Please, let me do your Laundry people in this Happy New Year!

Obidike Peter wrote from www.peterobidike.com and p_obidike@yahoo.com

 

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