As a kid, I asked myself “why do I need to choose this from that when I can have them all. I felt like I would grow up and become ‘every man’. A little of a doctor, engineer, teacher and every other profession I loved. The truth is that I wanted to be good at all of them and it actually affected my concentration on a particular thing. I am not a jack of all trades and master of none anyway.
Men used to be like me, living for fame, killing, conquering and winning women like prizes. It doesn’t matter the number you had in your home, they just swell and swell as long as you have the resources to cater for them.
Monogamy is an imposition, a law that was designed to bring out the best in man. It is another form of specialization that was aimed at making men enjoy a particular thing monotonously for the short time they would be living on earth. It lets them to be good at it and also develop ways to bring out the best in the women.
Someone who has been a good doctor for 40 years, will surely be among the best doctors ever known before retirement because he must have developed ways to get better in what he does. The same way you see that a man who has been a good husband for 40 years, is usually known as one of the best husbands.
How did King Solomon Concentrate?
King Solomon is often seen as the father of polygamy and one would be wondering how he really concentrated with that scary number of women in his household and under his majestic control. Women are usually seen as distractions when you have them in great numbers but a very low number like just one, gives lots of peace of mind. Solomon had the grace of God to be like no man that will ever be, you can never be anywhere like him no matter how hard you try. After all whom the Lord has blessed and endowed with wisdom, you don’t challenge or envy.
In some countries, polygamy is constitutionally wrong depending on the form of marriage a man decides to take up, but in other places, it is ‘just’ morally wrong. Yet you don’t find these moral issues captured in any written constitution.
What the Bible says
This is not supposed to be a religious article, but because we are mostly Nigerians and Africans, I want us to look at Matthew 19:1-12 and 22:23-32, where Jesus only talked about divorce. The fact that the New Testament centered mostly on the works of Jesus and His disciples, it never mentioned the family structure of some great men who lived then.
We only quote Old Testament when we want Abraham’s blessings, Solomon’s wealth and David’s grace, not on some subjects like polygamy.
When we grow up, we will understand the difference between the laws of God and that of the Church [doctrines].
It should be a thing of choice and I think any man who is planning on living a polygamous life should discuss it with the first woman he would be getting married to. She deserves to know that in a very short time, she would be sharing the warmth of her man with yet another. She also needs to understand that if she takes your ring, she would one day have to face another woman in the house and if you turn out to be very polygamous, she would have to face many others and just remain as the ceremonial first wife that will usually accompany the husband to most of his official functions.
I have seen men who want to marry because they need a wife and not for a companionship and most ladies also fall in that area. The ladies don’t really care what their man does, they always have the consolation that men are polygamous in nature. That is nonsense.
Marriage in the church should be between a man and a woman. One to one. But hypocrisy at times makes us see married men being allowed to hold a wedding ceremony with just one of their wives. Are we telling God to bless one and curse the others?
Polygamy is an orientation and also in most cases a child of circumstances. Men call it their right and I don’t really doubt it because it is the reason why a married man will still be attracted to other women. It is the only justification for infidelity and the fact still remains that before a man choses the second wife, he must have dated about 5 others when the wife is at home in the cold.
The real license
A meme is saw recently says: “Women are like mango, orange, banana, pawpaw, pineapple, but the problem is men love fruit salad”
If you sort it out with your first wife before marriage to be polygamous, it will be very good for you, else I think it is betrayal. It’s like coming home to realize that what you have in the box is not what you ordered for in the market and I hail women who have been handling this seeming betrayal for many years.
Men should somehow come up and be more courageous in marriage instead of sneaking around behind the backs of their wives. We are just lucky women don’t sue men for infidelity in this part of the world.
It is morally and constitutionally wrong to go against a contract.
Monogamy and specialization
A monogamous man, thinks of nothing but his wife and children, he has no secret to worry about and will surely have time for his wife, children and friends. Women need time, they are like horses, if you don’t ride them, they are just like another animal roaming.
Imagine if all those love, money, attention go to one woman and her children, it will simply make her irreplaceable and also make you live a life void of guilt and regrets as a result of your extra marital activities.
If you want to be polygamous, get the license from the first woman and you are good to go.
It never ends here, that’s the man we are, every man.
With Chinedu Hardy Nwadike, firstname.lastname@example.org | 08038704454 | Facebook/Twitter/Instagram: HardyNwa | BBM: 56226EE1