Elombah
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Very Pathetic Miserable Irony Of Life

By Don Ubani

36

Once upon a time, there existed, in a certain clime, a politician known for violence, brutality, vulgarity, greed, insatiability and desperation.

The above characteristic qualities rendered him a flirtatious politician. Due to greed and attendant desperation, he could not stay in a Political Party consistently for a long time. He was always moving around, greedily tasting waters.

Despite having defected from a ruling Political Party in his State for more than three times at different times, he returned to the Party for the umpteenth time.

The Governor of the State, in an exceptionally fatherly consideration, did not only welcome the political prodigal son most unforgivingly but went ahead to appoint him the Transition Committee Chairman of his Local Government Area Council.

His appointment raised a lot of uproar and disquiet amongst the Political Stakeholders of the Political Party he had, at different times, deserted.

The opprobrium was
necessitated not only because of the man’s obvious instability of character but also because his elder brother was the immediate past Transition Committee Chairman. That development implied that the flirtatious political marauder would take over the affairs of the Council from his elder brother of the same parents. It was a development too strange and shocking to the stakeholders. However, they decided to endure it just because it was a decision by their Governor and Leader.

Needless to state that the performance of the political scavenger for the twelve calendar months he presided over the Council was unmitigatedly bizarre in every department of assessment.

Not done with his characteristic ubiquity of Membership of Political Parties, in less than forty-eight hours of stepping down as Transition Committee Chairman, feeling that an Opposition Political Party in his State that is the Ruling Political Party at the Centre, which he had also been in romance with sometime in the past before, typical of him, defecting, could win the next gubernatorial election in the State, he quickly ran to the leader of the Party in the State, a former Governor of the State, whose tenure marked the most disastrous, devastating and calamitous epoch of the State, pledging his ‘loyalty and membership’.

Being the avaricious blackmailer he had always been known for, he had gone to the former Governor with various gift items, which included assorted drinks. One of the drinks he had gone with, was local gin, known in his people’s common parlance as Kaikai.

After presentation of the numerous gifts, a relation of the former Governor, probably guided by his knowledge of the flirtatious politician’s antecedents, asked him to taste, as custom would demand, the Kaikai he had brought. He tried to make an excuse why he should not taste his Kaikai. He said he worshipped in the Assemblies and was not expected to drink Kaikai. The former Governor’s relation sadistically thanked him for bringing Kaikai that his place of worship would not permit him to drink but would encourage him to give to others. The Man, however, stubbornly insisted he must drink it.

With every amount of reluctance and visible hesitation, the political flirt took a sip of his Kaikai. Who could guess what happened? Before people in the massive compound of the former Governor, a compound housing Mansions built at the exploitative expense of the citizens of his State, could say Jack Robinson, the kaikai-gift-giver had almost flattened his huge body on the ground.

Not wishing to have him die in the compound of the former Governor, the former Governor’s relations, on the instruction of the former Governor, pleaded with two Medical Doctors in a federal government hospital in the State’s Capital that had visited the former Governor to help resuscitate the Kaikai man. Thereafter, he was rushed to the Federal hospital in the State Capital.

Due to the precarious medical state in which he was after sipping his diabolically-adultrated Kaikai, he was taken out of the former Governor’s compound in another person’s car.

After he had temporarily recovered from his voyage, a snag was there to confront him. The Mother of the former Governor who, though was away to the U S, had heard everything that had taken place, had placed an outright ban on the diabolical political flirt. She instructed that he should never step into her son’s compound again in his life. Another person had to go to the former Governor’s compound in his faraway northern hemisphere to retrieve his car.

Shamelessly, having realized how foolish, greedy and desperate he had vainly been, he had commenced efforts to convince the Governor that made him a Transition Committee Chairman immediately after his elder brother had served in the same capacity to readmit him in his fold.

Ladies and Gentlemen, let us assume that this could be a real life story, what would be your take, again, assuming you came from the same State as that man of ingratitude and diabolical maneuvering?

I am just keeping my skill afloat after the day’s work.

Okwubunka of Asa.

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